Conversations around money are often kept well clear from even our closest of friendships. Topics like salaries, inheritances, house values, or other financial specifics are steered clear of during idle dinner party chatter – or even the most candid of conversations with old friends.
Whilst awkward conversations are avoided, society’s knack for dancing around the subject of money has knock-on effects for our relationships and may leave us feeling unprepared and uncomfortable having necessary conversations.
To help, we’ve noted the key areas where we feel it’s important to communicate with your friends – to ensure financial tensions don’t cost you a relationship.
Shared expenses - Shared expenses can be difficult to navigate in friendships, from splitting dinner to shared trips and group holidays. It’s important to keep everyone’s financial situation in mind and make sure to offer alternatives to plans which come with a lower price tag.
Pressure to show face – Similarly, social events can come with unspoken pressure to participate, even when they stretch someone’s budget. Particularly for close or long-term friends, we often feel a duty to splurge, but a true friend will respect everyone’s own financial situation.
Job loss/sudden wealth – Significant financial changes, like losing a job or gaining sudden wealth (such as through inheritance), can shift dynamics in friendships. While friends often form a crucial support network, feelings of envy, or awkwardness can creep in. In these situations, it’s important to try and communicate where possible.
Cultural differences - Cultural expectations around money can vary between cultures, particularly with hospitality or gift giving. This can create misunderstandings in friendships - for example, some cultures prioritise generous hosting, which may feel overwhelming or mismatched for friends with different financial norms.
Life stage - Friends at different life stages may face challenges in aligning financial priorities – for example, someone looking to save to buy a house or support children likely manages their finances differently than someone who owns a house and whose children have left home. As with above, balancing differing levels of financial freedom requires understanding and compromise.
We know that money matters can be stressful, and it can be equally difficult to talk about. If something’s on your mind but you’re finding it difficult to communicate, it might be easier to have an adjacent conversation or start small and build up your confidence. Additionally, this resource from mental health charity Mind is useful for managing money-related stresses.
